A Winter Wonderland Read online

  His eyes blazed bright as he looked across the table at her. “She can get that wish. If that’s what you want.”

  She swallowed back the lump in her throat. But they needed more than just feelings. Before she let the idea of them into her head, they needed to consider what path they could take together.

  “What are your dreams these days, Jace?”

  He blinked in surprise and then the corners of his mouth hitched up. “Not the first question I’d ask a friend, but I’ll go with it.”

  His smile faded, and he looked out the window, quiet for a while. “This last year has been so much about my dad’s stroke. He was really depressed, and running the garage has been a big part of his recovery but…” He paused and ran his hand through his hair. “But with the garage all on my shoulders, his happiness so wrapped up in it, I’m not sure how long I can hold that up. I’m going to try for him, but my dream is that my life could be a little more than that.”

  She nodded. Back in high school, when his dad had leaned on him for relief, Jace didn’t seem to mind. But now, when the business rested on his shoulders alone, she could see why it would be different. She and Jace were still so young. Did he, too, wonder what this long stretch of life in front of them was supposed to be about?

  “Your turn, Lee,” he said, his voice gentle. “What are your dreams?”

  “I’ve always wanted to make my parents proud. It sounds strange to be an adult and still thinking about that, but it’s true. My parents gave up a lot for me. And I think my divorce was just as hard on them as it was on me.”

  Jace frowned. “I doubt that.”

  Maybe he was right, but her parents had struggled to understand her divorce. Why would she leave a life that was everything they’d wanted to give her?

  “I don’t mind hard times, and I’m okay with struggling,” she said after a while, “but I want to know that it’s for something worthwhile in the end.”

  Jace was watching her the whole time she spoke, she felt he was really listening.

  “There is a lot of disappointment in life,” he said softly.

  She nodded. “But I can accept that if there’s joy in it too.”

  He was quiet for a while, his brow furrowed. His shoulders rose and fell, heavy, and it felt like he was debating something. Finally, he sighed. “Was there joy in your life with Darren?”

  *

  He really didn’t want to know the answer, but he couldn’t stop himself. At least he hadn’t asked any of the other questions on his mind. Did you love him with all of yourself? Did he give you all the things I couldn’t give you? So Jace settled with the question about joy, though that one was hard in a different way. The selfish part of him didn’t want her to find happiness with someone else, and yet, knowing Selena wasn’t happy for years was painful, too.

  It took a while for her to answer, and when she did, she didn’t meet his gaze. “I thought there was joy at first, but after a while I realized that the feeling wasn’t happiness itself. It was excitement about what I thought was coming. Not about the way things were but about how they might be. And then, after years of waiting, I understood that what I thought we were working for—it wasn’t ever going to come.”

  Her words felt heavy, and they drove home the bone-deep wish he had struggled with since he lay on her couch with his arms around her. She had had some tough years, and he wanted to be the one to change that. He wanted another chance, a chance to find a new kind of happiness together with her.

  He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. She didn’t pull away, just looked down at his hand, studying it.

  “How long are you staying in Sacred Harbor?”

  “I was planning to put the house on the market months ago,” she said. His jaw tightened, but he stayed quiet. “My friend Melanie has a spare bedroom where I can stay while I look for a place in Boston.”

  “You have a job waiting for you there?”

  She shook her head. “I could probably get one or continue to freelance, like I’m doing now.”

  He swallowed. “And that’s what you want to do? Move back to Boston?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered.

  She lifted her gaze, and they studied each other the way they had when they sat down. The reality was that his chances to see her would probably end soon. But he was older this time, if not wiser then at least a bit more patient. He had pressured her all those years ago, and he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Give her time.

  “Just think about it, Lee,” he whispered, and he left it at that.

  Selena turned her hand over and fit it into his. Her fingers were still cold from her walk outside, and he stroked his thumb over her skin, warming it. After a while, she looked up at him, smiling, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

  “Do you want to come over tomorrow and finish your tour of my house?”

  “Very much.”

  She laughed softly, almost to herself. “This is not even close to a friend conversation.”

  Jace shook his head. “You know we could never just be friends.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Jace’s question about staying in Sacred Harbor hovered over Selena’s thoughts like an incoming cloud bank, the kind that said, Things are about to get serious. So, of course, she was trying to ignore it. She needed to turn in the preliminary sketches for her Easter project so she could focus on her personal and, as of yet, unpaid projects.

  She had managed to focus for a few hours, but the closer evening came, the more the idea of staying played through her mind. What would it be like to stay in Sacred Harbor for real? Since leaving Boston four months ago, she had deliberately avoided making her life here feel permanent. It was supposed to be recovery from the divorce after the final terms were settled. Just a little time to regroup and then she’d return to Boston.

  But what was waiting for her there? Melanie, her one friend that was truly hers, not Darren’s. Mel was definitely a reason to go back, and she’d welcome Selena into her apartment for as long as she needed. But her friend traveled a fair amount on research trips, and Selena was pretty sure she wouldn’t live there forever. Melanie wasn’t on speaking terms with her poet father, but Selena got the feeling that if her father ever reached out, Melanie would be on the next plane to Stockholm.

  The truth: There was no reason she had to move back to Boston. She could work from Sacred Harbor, like she had for the last few months, and she could still stay at Mel’s place when she had in-person meetings.

  It wasn’t that Boston was calling her. The question was whether staying in Sacred Harbor would be a step back, into the past, or a step forward, into a future she wanted. Oh, how easy it would be to go back to life with Jace at the center. At the café she could feel the connection between them growing stronger. The more time she spent with him, the more she wanted. It had taken all her strength to leave him behind nine years ago, and it wouldn’t be any easier the second time around. Maybe worse, now that she knew that, even after nine years, the connection between them sparked back to life so easily.

  So staying in Sacred Harbor wasn’t just a question of giving their relationship another chance for a few weeks, just to see how things went. Staying was bigger than that. Either she wanted a second chance with him, a real go at this as two adults, with eyes wide open, or she needed to walk away from him forever.

  Tonight Jace was coming over for a tour of the house, a thinly veiled euphemism for what she had fantasized about every night since he had picked her up in the tow truck. Maybe what they felt was mostly nostalgia, and the reality wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying. Or maybe it would be more. But she needed to choose to either give this a try for real or set them both free. And he had to choose, too.

  Selena only understood that she had been pacing when Jace’s knock startled her out of her path. “Coming.”

  She made a quick stop at the hallway mirror and smoothed her t-shirt over the roundness of her
stomach. The tour of the house was likely to end in the bedroom, quite possibly with their clothes off. She had gained weight since high school, and there was no way he had missed it. But this was her now, not the memory of her, so maybe it was better this way. Different. No illusions. Selena swept her hair over one shoulder and headed for the front door.

  And there he was, standing at her doorstep. The snow was falling in big wet flakes, covering her porch in a blanket of white. He stood in the middle of this winter wonderland, almost like a dream. She had had dreams like this long ago, dreams where somehow Jace showed up on her front door, and somehow they were together again, like they were in high school.

  But this wasn’t that dream. He looked tired. She could see it now in the creases on his forehead and the heaviness in his eyes. But he also looked happy to see her, as if she was the relief he had been waiting for all day.

  Selena grabbed his hand and tugged him inside, closing the door behind him. Then she unzipped his jacket and slipped her hands inside it, finding her way to his warmth.

  “No food or packages this time?” she asked, smiling up at him.

  Jace chuckled. “You want a package? I have one, just for you, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

  She rolled her eyes and groaned. “Teenage humor.”

  His grin faded, and his eyes grew heavy with desire. “We’re not in high school anymore. Not at all.”

  His voice was low, and he took a step toward her. She smiled and stepped back. He took another step and another, until her back was against the wall. Then he bent his head down and kissed her. No, this definitely wasn’t high school. Back then, their kisses had been sloppy and eager, but they were older now, more experienced, and he knew how to take this devastatingly slow. Jace kissed like he was speaking to her. Each soft stroke of his tongue over hers said stay. Each graze of his teeth over her lips said I’ll make it good for you. Each caress of his hand through her hair said I promise. It was the kiss to define all future kisses, and he was giving it to her as she teetered on the precipice between leave or stay. It was hard to think, so she just kissed him back without hesitation, getting lost in this man who made her feel like no one else did.

  Too soon, far too soon, his hand left in her hair, and he pulled back.

  “Hi,” he whispered, his lips brushing against hers.

  She was breathless, dizzy from the kiss. “Thanks for coming.”

  “Anytime.” He said it with an intensity that took her breath away. But then he stepped back, his warm body gone as he shed his winter clothes and boots.

  “So…” Selena searched for what she was going to say before that kiss. “Do you want some fruitcake?”

  “Exactly what I was thinking.”

  She let out a snort of laughter. “Sure it was.”

  He followed her up to the kitchen, and she could feel his eyes on her, taking her in.

  The fruitcake was still on the counter, a healthy piece of it missing from the other night. She cut two more slices and laid them on plates, passing one to him. Her hand slowed as she caught sight of the card from the package, right where she’d left it.

  Prepare to fall in love.

  Was that what they were doing? She looked up at him, and they both stilled. Was he wondering the same thing? Selena looked away, not ready to answer that question, not yet. Jace took the plates to the counter and sat down on a bar stool, and she slid onto the stool next to his. He rested his thigh against hers as he took his first bite, and her heart skittered. They ate and talked about their days, and it was so easy, so natural, the way it had been at the café. But there was something more, too. This time, the bedroom was near, and she felt that knowledge zip between them, an electric charge that made each brush of her leg against his more vivid.

  So she set her fork down on her empty plate, leaned over and pressed her lips against his.

  “You still want that tour of the house?” she asked.

  Do you still want to take this further?

  He rested his forearms on his thighs and hung his head for a moment, shaking it slowly. When he looked back up at her, he was smiling. “Oh, Selena. You know that I’m up for just about anything with you.”

  He turned to face her, and she slid off her stool into the space between his legs. She rested her hands on his thighs. “Ready?”

  He laughed and nodded, and she headed for the hallway with Jace close behind.

  “What’s downstairs?” he asked, pointing to the staircase that led down from the front door.

  “The laundry room and two more bedrooms,” she said. For the kids she and Darren never had.

  Jace nodded, then poked his head into a bathroom and a closet.

  “What’s that room?” he asked, pointing to the door across from her bedroom.

  “My studio.”

  She opened the door and turned on the light. Jace walked in, scanning the room. He had knocked on the door while she was working, so everything was still a mess. Photos and sketches littered one desk, while another held watercolors in various stages, drying. Still another was reserved for larger acrylic paintings. The desk in front of the window was for polishing up a finished project. It had the best natural light, so she used it for getting a good look at a piece. Or for rethinking her career.

  “Nice,” he said. “Looks like you’ve got a lot going on.”

  “I contract for two different greeting card companies, and each of those projects are at different stages. I split them by desk to keep them straight.”

  He grinned. “I saw you through the window when I pulled up.”

  “I was hoping for a little more inspiration today,” she said, “This hasn’t been my most upbeat year.”

  “Mmm,” he murmured, then laughed. “You mean no one wants a ‘fuck you very much for the divorce fallout’ card?”

  Selena gave a dry laugh. “You should have seen my Valentine’s Day portfolio this year. It was awful.”

  He nodded slowly. “What’s the solution?”

  “Put on my cheerful pants.” She gave him an exaggerated, toothy grin, and he chuckled.

  “Hmm…is that working?”

  She shrugged. “Sometimes.”

  “Can I see some of the results?”

  Selena bit her lip. If this was the first night, she probably would have said no. But this was Jace. He wouldn’t care if next season’s Christmas cards were a little… inappropriate.

  She walked over to her desk, and he followed her close behind, resting a hand on her hip. She turned around to face him, her body blocking his view. His fingers stroked her waist, under her t-shirt. His smile was slow and easy, and his gaze wandered down to her lips. He was waiting for her, as if there was nothing in the world he’d rather do.

  “I’m experimenting with new markets this next year, and it might mean printing the cards myself. My first sketches were too gloomy, so I went for, um,” She paused, searching for the right word. “Raunchy. Just so you know.”

  Jace’s smile grew. “Now I’m even more curious.”

  She opened a drawer in her filing cabinets and pulled out a folder, setting it on the desk next to her. Jace’s gaze lingered on her for an extra beat, and then he opened it, flipping through the preliminary prints of the cards. He let out a snort of laughter.

  “Wishing you a well-hung Christmas?” he read, holding up one of the cards.

  She had painted a close-up of a suggestive-looking ornament on a tree, right on the border of inappropriate. Without the words, the subject matter might not be obvious, but with them… well, it was clear.

  “Is that what’s inspiring you this winter? A well-hung Christmas?” His voice grew deeper, as his laughter faded. His eyes were bright and warm. She wasn’t sure what was happening between them, but she was willing to go along with it as long as she’d be lying naked with him soon.

  She tilted her head. “You offering?”

  He smiled. “I guess I am.”

 
; Chapter Twelve

  It’s just sex. It’s just sex.

  Maybe if she chanted that sentence enough times, the message would sink in. Because now that Selena had let the idea in her head, she couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be with Jace again. Really be with him.

  Hot? Almost definitely.

  But intimate, too. His body brushing against hers, his deep voice, his hand on her hip, stroking gently—each sensual detail was a trigger, leading her back to the way it had been all those years ago. There were times when she felt so raw, so bare. Could they have some sexy fun together, or would it leave them both vulnerable? She was about to find out.

  He was so close now, his familiar scent surrounding her and his eyes, hungry.

  Take it slowly. Nothing serious.

  So Selena crossed her arms and lied. “Well-hung? I don’t really remember…”

  Jace tipped his head back and laughed, shaking his head. “You sure you don’t remember, Lee?” When he met her eyes again, his expression had a hint of seriousness. “Because I remember everything about you. Everything.”

  “Remind me,” she whispered.

  “First I want to see your t-shirt.”

  “What?” She wrinkled her brow at his non-sequitur.

  “You had a drawer full of t-shirts with all sorts of sayings on them. I want to see what you have on now.”

  “It’s not raunchy, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

  “Are you stalling?”

  “Nope.” Well, maybe she was. In an attempt to make this evening about who they were today, she had decided against dressing up. Instead, she grabbed an old standby t-shirt that said, Cute but CRAZY, the Z backwards, with a bat hanging from the Z, teeth bared in a wicked smile. But now that they were in the bedroom, the shirt felt more childish than fun. Still, this was Jace. Selena found the hem of her sweatshirt and pulled it off.

  “Cute but crazy?” he read, staring at her chest. “I like that in a woman.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Sure.”

  Jace tilted his head to the side, as if he were considering his next words carefully.